Things I learned last year

Jan 26 2009

The intention of this blog is to try to fit all my thoughts into a space to share with my friends, family, my community! What do you all think about the name?

I feel like these past few months have brought me to a place in my life where I am learning how to be taken care of! I have spent much of my 29 years knowing how to take care of myself but not knowing how to ask for help, how to take without feeling guilty or less than! I know that I will be taken care of, that I am in a place in my life and I have surrounded myself with people who can and will step in and take care of me if I need them!

Things I have learned in the last year,

To trust, to be honest, to ask for what I need, to believe that I deserve to be taken care of me that it doesn't take away from my own personal power or my ability to take care of myself.

It's okay to ask for help, it doesn't mean that you are weak. We all deserve to be loved and cared for!

Tough thick shell, but once you make your way inside- squishy and vulnerable- all or nothing.

Remember when I was taking Ibuprofen everyday? Yesterday I war with one of my students. Feet pounding on the pavement! Running through the courtyard without thinking about running, yet breaking into a pure run. Smile pulling my lips back showing my teeth, I never show my teeth.

I feel like I have this laundry list of things to fix about myself! (Maybe that's what happens before one turns 30)

My shoulder hurts, but I can't take ibuprofen because I may have to have a biopsy on a lump found in my breast.

People have said that everything is going to be okay- but what if it is not okay! "everything will be okay because it has to"

What does it mean that everything will be fine? How do we know? Something that needs to be said! Maybe it's just something that you say! "Good Luck" "Everything will be fine" "it's all good"

I need to know that I will be taken care of, that if the results are not what I want them to be... I need to know that the "OK" means that I will be taken care of, that I have built a community, a family that will take care of me!

Trying to breathe through the anxiety. the extreme ups and downs

(PS I went to the doctor yesterday, Jan 28th and it's a Cyst and just something I have to keep an eye on)